My Dad an old man? No way

Age is a relative thing.

I was reminded of this at a family reunion near Underwood, Iowa, this past weekend. Besides the grand potluck, homemade strawberry ice cream, cherry picking, balloon toss and clumsy volleyball games there was the opportunity to share family stories and catch up with the wide range of relatives, many of them unfamiliar, that make up the family tree begun in 1920 when Jens and Ellen Andersen left Denmark to start a new life in America.

Prizes were awarded to those who came the farthest (my Uncle Harold, from Florida) and the oldest (my Dad, Jack, 87). That’s when it hit me. My Dad will never be the oldest in my family, at least not in my mind.

Though he’s lived longer than his own father by more than 20 years and my other grandfather, Jens, by a few years, he’ll always seem younger to me than either of them. For whatever reason, I see my grandfathers as old men, probably because they carried the unofficial titles of family patriarchs for all the years I knew them. My earliest memories of my Dad, however, go back to when he was a relatively young pup in his 30s.

I suspect this skewed view of the aging process is common when evaluating people we’re familiar with. For instance, my view of former president Ronald Reagan is one of a senior statesman while I see John F. Kennedy as a robust, energetic young leader. But they were pretty much contemporaries, having been born just six years apart. My view of them is doubtless tempered by the fact that JFK was just 46 when he was assassinated while Reagan was nearly 70 when he first took office as president. Consider, too, that Martin Luther King was nearly 12 years younger than Kennedy and never reached his 39th birthday.

Do you see your family tree in a similar way?

Author Larry Lehmer's book about Dick Clark and American Bandstand --  Bandstandland: How Dancing Teenagers Took Over America and Dick Clark Took Over Rock & Roll --is available from Sunbury Press. His book about the last tour of Buddy Holly, the Big Bopper and Ritchie Valens -- The Day the Music Died -- is available at Amazon.

Photo: Jack, Elsie and Liz Lehmer at Andersen family reunion on July 5, 2008. Courtesy of lwlehmer.

Comments

[Brenda]

Interesting ... I've always seen my father as old! Maybe it's because among my peers I've typically always had the oldest parents. In many ways, though, Dad seemed older than his parents -- more serious anyway. Still when people enter their eighties and literally begin shrinking, one realizes, this is it: he's OLD!

[Ruth Stephens]

On your post about your dad, my dad soon to be 79 in August, had a cardiac bypass last October. We were allowed to see him in ICU after they got him ready for surgery (all the tubes, etc in place), but before he actually went to the OR. He was sedated to place the IV monitoring line into his heart, so when we saw him he was really knocked out, no teeth, no glasses, etc. It suddenly struck me: My Dad is old! My Dad has always been very healthy, active, does about anything he wants. Never sick. He's my Dad and when I'm around him, I still feel like I'm 10 years old and he will always be there to for me. I almost broke down and cried when I saw him before surgery. I have never seen him like that before, and it was really a shock! Thank heavens he came throught the surgery just fine and now is back to his old ways of good health and activity. Please, never take your Dad for granted! I have all these years and the thought of him leaving me was unbearable!

[Larry Lehmer]

Great observations, Brenda and Ruth. While my Dad at 87 obviously isn't the same man he was at 27, since I knew him as a younger man than either of my grandfathers he'll always seem younger than them even though he's lived longer than either of them.

[Eric Lehmer]

Uncle Larry,
I'm not sure if it's the years that I am putting behind me or if it's that Dad still "plays", but the older I get, Dad still stays the same. He continues to defy my childhood ideas of what "old" is. I thought that my 57 year old dad would be "old", but he isn't. He continues to help me with my construction projects and outworks me and my 29 year old body. Age is only a number and your perspective definitely changes based on your memories and as your own age increases. It continues to give me hope for the next 30+ years of my life and seeing how good of health that Grandpa is and has been in leaves me hopeful.
I enjoy reading your posts and appreciate the history you give. Keep it up.