Passing It On

Father’s Day is more about family than cheap gifts

Gaudy ties. Cheap aftershave. Singing fish plaques. Golf tees in the form of a woman’s torso.

These are the stereotypical prizes claimed by stereotypical American dads on Father’s Day every June. Dads are bumbling louts who deserve some sort of begrudging recognition once a year, whether earned or not, goes one stereotype perpetuated by a sizable segment of the ubiquitous greeting card industry.

If your family is like mine, dads are difficult to shop for. My own father conceded as much in a recent conversation when he acknowledged that he really doesn’t have room for anything new and doesn’t actually need a thing that he doesn’t have. When I pointed out that I’m just as grateful when my own kids acknowledge me with their presence or a phone call on Father’s Day, he nodded in agreement.

So, I’m eagerly awaiting our family gathering on Sunday when my brothers and I gather at our parents’ house to treat Dad and Mom with our presence, assorted versions of various family stories and, of course, plenty of picnic/party food. With both of our parents well into their 80s, each such gathering is precious.

Father’s Day 2008 coincides with three family history offerings that will set you back a grand total of one cent, if you take advantage of them before they expire in a week. Check these out:

• Ancestry.com recently doubled the size of its historical newspaper collection - adding a billion names and 20 million images. You can check out Ancestry’s entire newspaper collection for free through June 19. Check it out here.
• You can order as many books at you want at genealogical.com and have them shipped to you via parcel post for one cent if ordered before midnight EDT on June 18. Check this offer out here.
• Do you use the Firefox browser? Even if you don’t, now might be a good time to switch. Although it’s always free, if you download the new Version 3 on its launch day on June 17, you might be part of a world-record effort. Sign up here.

Larry Lehmer is a personal historian who helps people write their own family histories. To learn more, visit his web site or send him an e-mail.

Photo: My Dad, Jack Lehmer, is flanked by his sisters Agnes and Phyllis with younger brother Calvin cutting up in front of them in this 1939 photo from the collection of lwlehmer.

Oops, I almost did it again

   

I got so carried away with my post about dancing that I totally neglected to point out one of my greatest dancing successes. Actually, this is the second time that I’ve neglected to spread the word.

Last month, blogging friend Janice over at the splendid Cow Hampshire blog, used her creative talents to put together a series of Christmas clips with the always-entertaining folks at Jib Jab, using photos of some of her geneablogging friends.

I was honored to be part of the crew that Janice digitally assembled to decorate the Jib Jab Christmas tree. In this clip, Janice exercised some literary license by bestowing on me some elfin dancing skills of the first rank. Thank you, Janice.

While you’re there, you might check out some of Janice’s other Christmas clips. They’re all a hoot.

This also gives me an opportunity to use another photo from Bunny Gibson’s Bandstand party. In this one, a few of the L.A. Bandstand regulars pose for the VH1 cameraman.

Larry Lehmer, founder and president of When Words Matter, is a personal historian who helps people preserve their family histories. To learn more, visit his web site or send him an e-mail.

Who the ---- cares? You might be surprised.

One of the most common excuses I hear from people for not wanting to do their own family’s history is that nobody else cares.

In the case of Oscar Berliner, it was more like “Who the hell cares?”

Oscar, the crusty father of filmmaker Alan Berliner, persistently rebuffed his son’s attempts to document his father’s life. “What does it matter” … “I don’t care about the family tree.” These were what the elder Berliner told his just-as-persistent son in the 1996 documentary “Nobody’s Business.”

“I’m just an ordinary guy who’s lived an ordinary life. I went into the army, got married, raised a family, worked hard, had my own business. That’s all.”

This father-son clash that is at the heart of this fine film is all too familiar. That makes the findings of a recent survey by Ancestry.com all the more interesting.

The survey found that 83 percent of 18- to 34-year-olds are interested in learning their family history. That’s more than the 35 to 54-year-olds (77 percent) or the 55-plus group (73 percent).

Remember that during this holiday season. When a young family member asks you about your family history, give them what they want even though you may not share their enthusiasm. It’s literally the gift of a lifetime.

You can check out Alan Berliner’s touching eulogy to his father and learn more about his films here.

Speaking of the holidays, there’s a meme floating around with a theme similar to a Christmas advent card. There’s a prompt a day for collecting Christmas memories. Check it out here.

Larry Lehmer is a personal historian who helps people preserve their family histories. If you’d like to know more, check out his web site or send him an e-mail.

Flickr photo courtesy of  coda.

"...we took the bonus, bought a yacht and sailed to Tierra del Fuego"

Have you written your holiday newsletter yet? Me neither.

For some reason, annual family holiday newsletters have gotten a bad rap. Some might say it’s for good reason. Many are sappy, poorly written, badly spelled and are nothing more than brag sheets. Even if that’s all true, they’re still excellent sources of information for a family history. I wish I would have saved every one I’ve received over the years.

But holiday newsletters don’t have to be bad, even if you’re not a professional writer. To make your newsletter memorable, keep it simple, to the point and balanced. Make it newsy instead of an endless string of overstated success stories. Your life wasn’t like that, so don’t try to pass it off that way.

Include some tidbits of true family history in your newsletter to broaden its appeal. Why not include a prized family recipe or a photo of a Christmas past? Share a family story that reflects your true values along with your hopes and wishes for the years ahead.

If you want some specific tips on how to create a newsletter that will be cherished, check out Ted Pack’s web site. It’s full of suggestions, including some actual examples submitted by his readers and some parodies that are sure to give you a chuckle or two. The people at Hewlett-Packard have a site with tips, including links to free templates and clip art that will give your newsletters some extra visual appeal.

Take advantage, too, of holiday gatherings to collect family stories and snap lots of pictures. If you have a parent or grandparent who’s especially hard to shop for, consider giving them the gift of family history. You can learn how by contacting me, or another of the nearly 700 members of the Association of Personal Historians that are located in just about every part of the United States and Canada. It’s a priceless gift that will be appreciated by family members for generations to come.

Have you seen the credit card ad about family history that’s been running on national television lately? You can view the one-minute Citi spot about a father-son team exploring their Scandinavian roots here.

Larry Lehmer is a personal historian who helps people preserve their family histories. To learn more, visit his web site or send him an e-mail.

Flickr photo courtesy of The Bimz.

Halloween and the darker side of family history

Which of these more closely describes your Halloweens as a child:

Trick or treating. Bobbing for apples. Telling ghost stories around a bonfire.

Or, soaping windows. Spinning a black cat by its tail. Overturning porta-potties.

Your answer might very well depend on your audience. Our “G-rated” stories flow freely when we share our experiences with our kids and grandkids while the conversation often spins into “R” territory when comparing notes with our peers.

For many of us, Halloween behavior is something of an aberration, anyway. It’s the one holiday where we’re encouraged to leave our everyday self behind and assume an alternative identity for a few hours. Still, behind the mask and trappings of our alter ego, we remain us at the core. But what about those relatives from our family tree for whom Halloween is like every other day? We often call them black sheep or “the skeletons in our closet.”

Every family has them and every family has a different way of dealing with them. The Yorkshire Post has reported the chances of finding a convicted criminal or secret adoption in your own lineage. “Relative” over at Family Skeletons shows how solid genealogical research can often debunk a family legend that has survived generations. PixelPi on her Motes blog nicely illustrates the mental grappling we exercise when addressing these knots on our family trees.

Personally, I like country singer John Anderson’s take on the subject. This video combines clever visuals with Anderson’s  funny words and catchy tune.

Just for fun. Check out Terry Thornton’s post on Halloween-related names, Janice Brown’s fascinating post about New Hampshire body-snatching and grave-sitters or Jasia’s comments about dressing up the family pooch for the occasion.

Larry Lehmer is a personal historian who helps people preserve their family histories. For more information, visit his web site or send him an e-mail.

Flickr photo courtesy of white_shadow_photog.

Scaring up some memories of Halloweens past

Leaves are turning colors, there’s a nip in the early morning air, Christmas merchandise is on the shelves. It’s time for Halloween.

Most of us have many family stories and memories built around this scariest of all holidays, usually from our carefree childhood days. While Halloween was always a big day for kids, it’s turned into a big deal for adults, too.

Halloween is a $5 to $8 billion dollar industry in the United States. According to the National Retail Federation, the “average American” will spend $65 to celebrate the holiday. That includes the 33 million of us who plan to visit at least one haunted attraction this season.

Many of us are well into the Halloween spending season. Moviegoers made vampire flick “30 Days of Night” the box office champion last weekend. And we’ve toted countless bags of candy into our homes in anticipation of the hordes of young spooks and goblins that will descend on our doorsteps next week. Some adults have fallen prey to pre-holiday candy binging. Perhaps you can identify with Rose Dyer’s plight.

We had a rule in our family that once you turned 12 years old, your trick or-treating days were over.  Since my birthday is Nov. 3, I was cutting it pretty close as an 11-year-old. Then I got sick on Halloween and couldn’t drag myself out the door for one last sweet blitz of my neighborhood. While that loss has nagged me in the years since, it has offered a lame justification for pre-holiday binging.

One of my first assignments as a young reporter was to write about the dangers of Halloween candy. This was about the time that the media was awash with stories of razor blades tucked into apples, drug-laced cookies and brownies and wholesale tainting of candy. I discovered that these fears were more-or-less urban legends and that prudent parental review of what kids brought into the house generally sufficed. Dodging traffic while weighed down with cumbersome and vision-limiting costumes was far more dangerous, as was overloading young tummies with more sugar than Mother Nature ever intended.

The Des Moines area has a couple of curious Halloween practices that I’d never heard of before landing here over 25 years ago. One is the practice of making youngsters ask a riddle before handing over a treat. As you might expect, you get some pretty awful riddles. The other local oddity is the fact that something called Beggars’ Night has replaced Halloween. It’s always been on Oct. 30 in our years here, leaving Oct. 31 free to parents to have their own wild wingdings. That’s my theory; no one really seems to know how this tradition developed.

So, how do memories of Halloween fit into your life story? Are they suitable for sharing with your own kids and grandkids? This month’s Carnival of Genealogy focused on Halloween stories. Check it out.

Larry Lehmer is a personal historian who helps people preserve their family histories. To learn more, visit his web site or send him an e-mail.

Photo: Aaron Lehmer greets trick-or-treaters in Vacaville, Calif.