What should you include in your 'family stew?'

Putting together a family history is much like cooking up a stew. You take a little bit of this, a snip of that, add a dash of this spice or a pinch of that “secret ingredient” and voila! Every family has its own recipe with the final product having a distinct flavor and texture. One thing all have in common, however, is that they are tasty and are eagerly awaited by family members.

Occasionally, though, someone will add something to the mix that takes the final product in a whole new direction. In a family history project, it is important that you consider whether any such additions will so alter or distort the final product as to make it unrecognizable to the family audience.

Consider this situation in which a client of mine excitedly told me of a recent discovery of journals kept by his mother in the decade before her death. He was unaware of them when we started his family history project and wanted to include material from the journals.

“I can’t wait to see what she wrote, but am afraid to read them myself,” he said, as he handed the unread journals to me.

She was meticulous in her detail. Every visit to the beauty shop, shopping trip, mowing of the lawn and Sunday dinner was duly noted. She proudly documented visits from family members. But she also wrote often of her frustrations with her adult children. A common complaint was they didn’t visit often enough, or do enough to help her. At one point she wrote that no one would miss her if she disappeared.

So far, I’ve included just the “good parts” since it’s clear that’s how my client wants to remember his mother, but I’m still wrestling with the “bad parts.” Should they be included or not?

For more on this subject, check out this earlier post on dealing with truth in family histories.

Larry Lehmer is a personal biographer who helps people preserve their family histories. To learn more, visit his web site or e-mail him.

Flickr photo courtesy of ssour.

Comments

[PixelPi]

On my blog I recently posted one of the 200+ letters my grandfather wrote home to his mother during his stint in Navy in WWI. I have transcribed all of them, and some of them will never be published on the blog....because some of them are not letters for the public to see.

He was in boot camp at the age of 17, a kid from rural Texas who referred to people who were not white, Protestant, and of "good society" by a number of what are today totally un-politically correct names. In some letters his comments about individuals are worse than unkind.

The censoring one does at the personal level of family history is a delicate balance of being true to the individual's personality, but not necessarily brutally truthful. It's a delicate balancing act. Let me know how you handle it...I need to know for future reference!

[Larry Lehmer]

Thanks for the observation. At the moment, I'm sticking with my default position of keeping out the critical comments. You're absolutely right about the balancing act. We weigh various factors in making decisions in our life all the time.

[Jasia]

I love your analogy of the family stew and family history. It's so very true, isn't it? Wonderful post. Thanks for contributing to the Carnival of Genealogy.

[Larry Lehmer]

Thanks, Jasia. I'll look forward to your next Carnival.